Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rant and Rave.... :)


So I'm surfn' the net, and I come across this blog....from an employee...it's perfect!
comment on Bens Blog

Facing Forward
The Benny Horror Picture Show

Having Said That
I really enjoy working for Biggby. That said, the other day our drink "menus" came in and I can’t even begin to put into words how awesomely corny the drink descriptions are. Here are some choice excerpts:

Teddy Bear
So sweet it can make even the sourest sourpuss smile. Send us your grump and we’ll turn them giddy with our Teddy Bear. (Guys: Doesn’t sound manly enough for you? Yeah, we know. So here’s the plan: Order a Grizzly Bear and wink twice with your left eye. We’ll know that it’s really a Teddy Bear you want.)

Chai
Take Aunt Mabel’s pumpkin pie and put it in a blender. That’s what our Chai tastes like. We can even add whipped cream like Aunt Mabel used to, except we’ll ask for a dime instead of a big fat wet kiss. We just don’t know you well enough for that.

Berry Creme Freeze
A strawberry and a banana walk into a bar. . . A coffee bar, that is. Buh-dum ching! Thank you! We’ll be here all week! Try the veal!

I’m not sure about the other baristas, but if some guy comes up to me asking for a Grizzly Bear and winking, I’m going to be looking at them strangely and feeling a bit weird.

So as you know I often ask baristas..."If you had me job (as CEO and Co-founder of BIGGBY COFFEE) what's the one thing you would change? So I think this 'rant' is exactly what I want to hear out there....having said that here was my comment back...

This coffee is way too silly dammit! Wow, you are right…way too silly!!!

I mean, if I read one more desription for a competitors drink that says (BTW–these are real):

“Rich, full-bodied espresso combined with our proprietary bittersweet mocha syrup and steamed milk. Topped with a cloud of whipped cream.”

“Supreme espresso drink, the Mocha is a decadent mix of espresso and premium cocoa, crowned with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.”

Absolute snoozers…boring, dull, average…..same ol’ thing, ya’know?

Enough is enough….we all know what’s in a mocha….I’d rather poke fun, anyday, than read another drink description that is just like everybody elses….the day that BIGGBY is like everybody else out there…I hope I get fired!

So yes, goofy, silly, fun, happy…it’s not a crime :)

So tell me what do you think?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you haven't taken the time to read the descriptions... It is worth the read! Very creative.

facing-forward.com said...

Oh man, there's going to be a target on my head for months now. Biggby is like no other, silly happy fun. I love being a barista and there's not a day that I don't look forward to going to work. If we did have a regular ol' menu it just wouldn't be Biggby.

The coffee is way too silly, but that's why I like Biggby.

Point taken Biggby Bob, Point taken. :)

Anonymous said...

It's like the J Peterman catalogue for coffee. I LOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you’re talking about. Lamest drink menu ever? I think so. I would never send a grump to get giddy by winking twice at a barista. How about a movie? Also, what is the Teddy Bear? No one would know what the drink is composed of based off of this “description”. Horrible. I loved working at Biggby, but this has gone too far. For shame Biggby Bob, for shame.

C2 said...

I like the new descriptions! The funny part to me is that I've actually had male customers order Teddy Bears, but they've asked us to call them out as Grizzly Bears or red eyes. Ha!

Bob Fish said...

Ouch...for shame?

Here's what I gotta say...we had lamo boring paper menus for 13 years....we put the things out and nobody used them (far as I know:))

Now, whether ya' like 'em or not...at least I know somebody is reading them...and that they are a topic of discussion...and that people are engaged...and that people are smilin'...and so on...

All that puts a smile on my face, give it a try....and have FUN!

Anonymous said...

Drink descriptions should be that, with some wit and humor but this is a little crazy. Now that I have read this, I still don't know what the drinks are.

Tom Butz said...

Bob - you are right on - have some fun - you can get the pure ingredients on the website! HAVE FUN - Bhappy!

Bob Fish said...

Nice to hear from you Frankie... :)

halfbakedmusings said...

It doesn't matter what you say about me as long as you spell my name right. Ain't that so, Biggby Bob?? I have no idea what a Teddy Bear is and couldn't tell from the description...did it have something to do with Aunt Mabel? By the way, does anyone have an Aunt Mabel? Does anyone have a dog named Fido? Regardless, this is the first conversation I've ever been involved in that pertains to medu descriptions, so I guess y'all must be on to something. Maybe I'll even order a Teddy Bear...and you can call it that Ms. Barista, my masculinity is not in (serious) doubt.

Anonymous said...

Love the fun descriptions!

Daman said...

Wait, we're silly at Biggby? Are you sure? I thought coffee was a gritty, serious business. I've certainly never dressed up as Captain Biggby, or hidden the laptop of somebody that asked me to watch it while they went to the bathroom or outside to smoke, or done ANYTHING crazy at my store.

And anybody that tells you different is a filthy pinko liar!

F'reals, tho. The description in the book should be fun, because the barista at the counter is going to get tell you what it is, then get you something that you're going to love, and probably not contained in the menu.

Like a snowball mocha (Almond Joy), or Pink Panther (which gets me to singin' the song all day).

-Daman

facing-forward.com said...

Also, just so i don't seem like a huge party pooper, I like the menus. They're awesomely corny, they make me smile, and they'll inspire conversation between customer, barista, and in the case of this blog entry, CEO as well. Keep up the fun Bob. Oh, and I LOVE and look forward to the B Happy toys, definite hit.

Frankie Q said...

I love Biggby. From the owners who run the stores to the baristas who prepare the drinks. I had a great time working for Biggby. Having said that, the only gripes I have with the drink menus are that, like I said, you really cannot tell what the drinks are from the descriptions. It is a menu, is it not? Second, I can buy the "have fun" ideology, but c'mon! Some of these descriptions are not generating the fun for me as I think they are intended to do. They are, how should I say this...not my taste? Yet to each their own. In the meantime, I will always support Biggby and it will always be my coffee of choice, regardless of the drink menu. Things are great over here and I hope you're well Bob.

B Alive

Kristen said...

This totally cracks me up! A couple months ago, my husband called me from a coffee shop and said, "I'm at Biggby, what would you like?" I said "a Teddy Bear please, tall & skinny, no whip".

So that's what he ordered... And after seeing the puzzled and shocked look on the barista's face, he realized that he WASN'T at Biggby... He was at another local coffee shop.

See if he makes THAT mistake again! Lol! I love a good Teddy Bear, and it's gotta be from Biggby! :)

Bob Fish said...

I love the dialogue....full of passion and care :)

Anonymous said...

No one should feel that they have a "target on their head" for speaking the truth! I know exactly how this menu was created. A tank full of manatees used scraps of ideas discarded from old Barenaked Ladies lyrics and pieced them together in an attempt to reach out to younger generations who refuse to drink or enjoy anything that is not ironic or contains throw-backs to the late 80's (New Kids dolls on Ebay? Well played). I'm all for funny, but the key word in funny is "fun" and this menu is just not "fun". No one really has an aunt named Mabel and not everyone who drinks decaf is a sissy. And can someone please tell me what a Teddy Bear actually tastes like? The taste I got in my mouth was Axe body spray due to the "manly man reference". Nice try, but I'll take good coffee over desperate attempts to be cool any day.

Bob Fish said...

There are no targets, nobody is hunted...just an opportunity to speak out...Thank you, this is awesome!

jdy said...

What is in a Big Mac?

Shouldn't ordering a Whopper refer to a size and not a type of sandwich?

When you go to the hardware store do you not ask for a Cresent wrench instead of an adjustable wrench?

It is my hope that the Biggby names become as synonymous with coffee as Tony the Tiger is with cereal.

Besides, at the end of the day names are just that, names.

Lady Di said...

Barista Lady Di here...
from above the 45th parallel..

I do have an Aunt Mabel, (Lucille, Gertude, Hazel, Loretta, Gladys, Wilma and Vida.......how does that work for ya...)
B-happy, life is for the livin and it can sometimes be way too short...keep on brewin
If it ain't fun....step out of the box.....
we can't all be a Kamakazee!!!!
Much BIGGBY lovin to ya

Barista Lady Di
from above the 45th....

A2 Lebowsky said...

"Specialty Drinks"
I find what makes them special with Biggby is that it gives you time to mingle with the Barista's